there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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