You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
