man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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