This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
