So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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