Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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