I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
