it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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