wrigley field is MILF paradise
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
