somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
not ubering you a puppy
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
