Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
