The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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