I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
