I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
