Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
