Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
