She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize