its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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