This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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