so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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