dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
