the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize