Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
