Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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