he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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