Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My penis needs a shock collar
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
