Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
