so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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