Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
