you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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