I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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