Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
