He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
