you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize