Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
