I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She's just so happy...and so naked.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
