You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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