she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
