I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
