I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she looked like the before picture.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
