If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
