Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
