do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
