it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
