My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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