I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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