I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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