I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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