Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
