He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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