you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
