I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
