i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
