and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize