I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He passed out mid-signature
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
