So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
