I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
