I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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