Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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