do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
