At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
