so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
