I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
