Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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