3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
