I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
