1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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