he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
